Ayame Kiyoshi

This is the ' Boku no saigo no ai, boku no saigo no koibito' series. But I decided to change it's name into 'Saigo no hakai', because it was not the last love, or the last lover.. it was just the last disaster. And I hope that is how it's gonna stay like XD..

Part 1. Despair

Alone, here I praise the memories,
As the pink, beautiful petals of cherry blossoms
Nostalgically engage in their game,
Being blown away by the cruel, cold wind,
Swaying from one side to another, for ever.

Even the sky turns black and white,
Even the light becomes diffuse.
Everything seems empty and abandoned,
Just like the song, just like the ending sequence,
When the lights were set off, by
Meaningless, destructive words.

No wonder I'm feeling alone,
Now that you, who used to annoy the blankness that posseses me,
Is gone, lost in the rain
Of the never fading cherry blossoms

I cry, but my tears will never touch you,
For you are so high, for you are a dream.
You are a memory, a memory of a dream that is again you,
A memory of sanctity, a memory of pain.

I lay, reflected in the rain drops,
Which reflect in the tears, which reflect in the blood,
Which also reflects in the wound from the chest,
The wound of my aching, sorrowful heart.

But I awake, being haunted by reality all the while,
A tearing apart fact.
You're not here anymore, neither is myself,
But that doesn't matter. I'll go on as I did before I knew you,
As a heartless piece of flesh, among the cold drops of rain falling on my
Freezing skin

One last breath, three last words,
Kneeling down, I yell to the world,
I want to be heard, I want to be remembered,
If not by you, at least by the nature,
' I love you ' I screamed in the dead of the night,
' I love you ',
My last love,
My last lover.

Part 2. Defeat

I'm looking in the glass,
Despair,
In the air.
It's an ambiguous distance,
That pushes me away.

Confusion is mystery,
Mystery is crime.
It's my blood pouring, baby,
Because of this pitiful time.

Down, at my feet,
Love is staggering.
Insecurity is near,
Walking on the same, staggering love.

A powerful ray stops breathing now,
Behind the dark curtain of the moon.
A defeat, epically represented,
Is lost among tears,
Meaningful as it is seen.

I know you feel nothing,
For the suffering, dying soul.
I lay, with my eyes fixed on the sky,
During this nostalgic, epic sunset.

I couldn't even ask for love,
I couldn't even try.
For the fear is inside,
For the ignorance keeps stabbing,
Deep.

So say your farewell words now,
The night is peacefully coming.
Leave this body of misery,
Be safe!
Leave this rotting heart,
Smile, clear the tears.
Tanatos will soon take me,
And clean me from your mind.

Your freedom will return,
Your consciousness will be settled down.
I will fly away to heaven,
With a broken wing,
And be definitely gone.

Never to touch the earth again,
Never to feel you, not even once more.
I will live in an eternity covered with pain,
In an eternity triggered by words.

Part 3. Withering to eternity

I'm dead. But even like that,
Regrets appear, crawling near
My cold, ignorant body.

Indifference is mystery.
No tear falls from your heart,
As I'm being sent
Into my everlasting Mother.

I watch from the sky,
I cry. The rain falls.
It slides in, a beautiful gasp,
From your mouth,
I'm still rotting inside, you know.

Deceived by the words,
You take it in,
Over and over again.
A murdered promise,
And an ugly body
Disintegrate.

Even Heaven gets rid and forgets me,
As you do so too, with
Ever gasp you set free.
Left alone, deep in nothingness,
Withering away,
Soon, I won't exist anymore
Neither as a body, or a soul,
'Nor as a memory.

Just as a pigeon, I'll exist.
Wondering around your window,
Confused,
Looking at the beautiful you.

Part 4. Reviving in despair

Hidden in eternity,
Among tears and pain I lie.
Episodes of your life,
Involuntary appear,
At times.

My eyes slowly open,
Red, as crimson blood.
Is it hated that I'm feeling,
Or an euphoric, majestic lie?

A diffuse, red light,
A filthy, dirty bed.
Home for you and satisfaction.
And you swallow his essence,
And blood is going up.

Far from you,
Further than you could ever imagine,
The ground is shaking hard.
Mother is releasing me,
As I'm being born again.

Baby, which is avid for carnal pleasure,
Feel the love, discover the treasure.
Instead, you're taking it again,
Gasping, thinking of only death.

But even that can't save you anymore,
Because even Mother is sick of you.
Don't worry though, you'll end up soon,
Drowned in the white, sticky sea.

Hidden in eternity,
Among tears and pain I lie.
Episodes of your life,
Involuntary appear,
At times.

My eyes slowly open,
Red, as crimson blood.
Is it hated that I'm feeling,
Or an euphoric, majestic lie?

A diffuse, red light,
A filthy, dirty bed.
Home for you and satisfaction.
And you swallow his essence,
And blood is going up.

Far from you,
Further than you could ever imagine,
The ground is shaking hard.
Mother is releasing me,
As I'm being born again.

Baby, which is avid for carnal pleasure,
Feel the love, discover the treasure.
Instead, you're taking it again,
Gasping, thinking of only death.

But even that can't save you anymore,
Because even Mother is sick of you.
Don't worry though, you'll end up soon,
Drowned in the white, sticky sea.

I'm dead. But even like that,
Regrets appear, crawling near
My cold, ignorant body.

Indifference is mystery.
No tear falls from your heart,
As I'm being sent
Into my everlasting Mother.

I watch from the sky,
I cry. The rain falls.
It slides in, a beautiful gasp,
From your mouth,
I'm still rotting inside, you know.

Deceived by the words,
You take it in,
Over and over again.
A murdered promise,
And an ugly body
Disintegrate.

Even Heaven gets rid and forgets me,
As you do so too, with
Ever gasp you set free.
Left alone, deep in nothingness,
Withering away,
Soon, I won't exist anymore
Neither as a body, or a soul,
'Nor as a memory.

Just as a pigeon, I'll exist.
Wondering around your window,
Confused,
Looking at the beautiful you.

This is the defeat of a person who is in love, and will always be in love with you.. who will love you no matter what..

I'm looking in the glass,
Despair,
In the air.
It's an ambiguous distance,
That pushes me away.

Confusion is mystery,
Mystery is crime.
It's my blood pouring, baby,
Because of this pitiful time.

Down, at my feet,
Love is staggering.
Insecurity is near,
Walking on the same, staggering love.

A powerful ray stops breathing now,
Behind the dark curtain of the moon.
A defeat, epically represented,
Is lost among tears,
Meaningful as it is seen.

I know you feel nothing,
For the suffering, dying soul.
I lay, with my eyes fixed on the sky,
During this nostalgic, epic sunset.

I couldn't even ask for love,
I couldn't even try.
For the fear is inside,
For the ignorance keeps stabbing,
Deep.

So say your farewell words now,
The night is peacefully coming.
Leave this body of misery,
Be safe!
Leave this rotting heart,
Smile, clear the tears.
Tanatos will soon take me,
And clean me from your mind.

Your freedom will return,
Your consciousness will be settled down.
I will fly away to heaven,
With a broken wing,
And be definitely gone.

Never to touch the earth again,
Never to feel you, not even once more.
I will live in an eternity covered with pain,
In an eternity triggered by words.

Hate. Flowing deep inside me.
Are you happy ?
In this flock of worthless beams, you're just the human who
Ruins them all.
Will is useless in this empty time,
When we will all vanish.

The melody runs to my ears,
I listen to you whispering,
I can't get enough, I want it to end.
The sun reflecting in the noise you make,
The sky reflecting in the sun,
The world reflecting in my tears,
The mind which reflects in my suffering,
An irrational state in which I am.

Deep, deepest that the eyes can see, I lie,
I want to go back to your bed, I want to, I'd love to.
I want to be the one who touches you,
I want to be the one,
I want to be the hatred.

Anger, wish for not dying.
Contradictorial feelings clash,
My mind is breaking apart.
Obfuscation sorrounds the battle field,
Obfuscation kills the question.
A sea of crimson.
A sea of glory.
A sea of love.

Twisted between reality and imagination,
I'm being cut down.
Tormented by your indestructible words of denial,
I continuously scream, only to hear myself die.
And even though I don't want,
Will is useless in this empty time,
When we will all vanish,
When we will all rot,
Cleaned from this world of purity.

Will love survive ?
I am filled with confusion.
The worse is near, an iminent god strikes my heart.
Now I know.
I will rise, to the sky, I will be the one with the stars.
They won't be the same stars
That are reflecting in your eyes.

This one is dedicated to a person which is very dear to me. Perhaps she'll recognize it. Perhaps she'll not. However, she will, at a certain point in life. With my best regards, to my last love, to my last lover. 

Alone, here I praise the memories,
As the pink, beautiful petals of cherry blossoms
Nostalgically engage in their game,
Being blown away by the cruel, cold wind,
Swaying from one side to another, for ever.

Even the sky turns black and white,
Even the light becomes difuse.
Everything seems empty and abandoned,
Just like the song, just like the ending sequence,
When the lights were set off, by
Meaningless, destructive words.

No wonder I'm feeling alone,
Now that you, who used to annoy the blankness that posseses me,
Is gone, lost in the rain
Of the never fading cherry blossoms

I cry, but my tears will never touch you,
For you are so high, for you are a dream.
You are a memory, a memory of a dream that is again you,
A memory of sanctity, a memory of pain.

I lay, reflected in the rain drops,
Which reflect in the tears, which reflect in the blood,
Which also reflects in the wound from the chest,
The wound of my aching, sorrowful heart.

But I awake, being haunted by reality all the while,
A tearing apart fact.
You're not here anymore, neither is myself,
But that doesn't matter. I'll go on as I did before I knew you,
As a heartless piece of flesh, among the cold drops of rain falling on my
Freezing skin

One last breath, three last words,
Kneeling down, I yell to the world,
I want to be heard, I want to be remembered,
If not by you, at least by the nature,
' I love you ' I screamed in the dead of the night,
' I love you ',
My last love,
My last lover.
 

The old bookshelf, with it's misery smell,
Tears me apart, even more, as I lie on the floor.
It's dirty, it's making me sick, but I got no choice,
Since I cannot lie in the arms I used to anymore.

Hands fell down, without any power, without any will,
I'm frustrated, I cannot even end this.
Why ? Why am I forced to pass through this ? Why ?
Why cannot I get away from here ?
Opening the eyes, I suddenly realize.
What's ' here ' ?
Where's ' here ' ?
Am I a human ?
Am I breathing ?
Do I love ?
Who ?

Anonymous touches fill me up, building the nausea
I used to hate. Now I don't, not anymore.
Not that I wouldn't want, just not capable of
Hating even the worse enemy contained by the sea.

It's sad. It's not, actually. I'm making it even more sad.
Me and the sun, which slowly goes to it's eternal sleep, calling upon a wonderful and sadistic sunset.
It's cruel, they tears falling down, getting red from the light which reflects in them,
Combining with the falling blood.
 

  Remember the old days ?
  Remember that park we used to share our toys in ? It’s not longer there.There is still a park.. but it’s not the one we used to play in. 
  Remember how the sky was, back then ? Remember the sun ? Remember.. your.. voice ?
  Split, each of us subdued to his own society which we see as being the self we represent through our actions. Nostalgic, isn’t it ? 
  Our thoughts of purity have been taken away by the hate they control, called.. call it however you want. I call it maturization. And I’m not talking about the natural one, that we all meet at one point in our lives, I’m talking about the one they force us to pass through.. 
  I’ve been awaken, though. Yes.. one day, I was hit by the look in your eyes and I suddenly realized everything. I called your name, but you didn’t answer. I guess you changed it, or you no longer recognize me. Eiter that, or you don’t want to recognize me anymore. Are you.. were you embarrassed that someone like me called you ? Did I lacked respect ? I’ m sorry.
  Yes.. that’s like me, isn’t it ? Apologizing everytime, even if I did nothing. It frustrated you, because you hated seeing me this weak. Haha! Nothing’s changed! But you don’t care about that now, do you ? 
  There are many things that are like me.. being a kid all the time, acting like one even though I’m older than I thought.. nothing changed.. nothing will change. Since you woke me up, I realized that being me is the only way.
  But what does ‘ being me ‘ means, when you’re nowhere in sight ? When you’re so far, even though I can feel you in my body, hunting my memories and my aching heart. Why do you keep the agony going ? Why ? Why, when you don’t want to answer my calls ? Why do you keep doing this ?
  I guess this cruel society turned you in what they call ‘ a normal human ‘. But you’re not even a human, are you ? 
  I move my hand, and press it on the wet window. It belonged to you, you know.. ? I belonged to you. I still do, but at that time it was a pleasure. Now it’s only a sin.. it’s only what I’m forced to do..
  I slowly go to the bathroom, which has small, red spots all over it, and start to stare at the mirror.
  Look in my eyes and tell me, would you like to once more be yourself, myself ? 

On the tallest peak, of the tallest mountain,
I hold my breath as I step on it.
It's magnific, it's wonderful,
I can see through the world which reveals itself.

I can even see you, small and beautiful,
The last piece of diamont shining,
The last organ standing still,
In the torned apart necklace,
In the turned to ashes body

It's useless to live any longer,
The dirty humans reach even my peak,
Contaminating even purity,
Contaminating me.
I'm falling away, calling the truth which will never appear.
I slowly let myself into the wave, I slowly leave myself to faith,
Go down, get crushed, and then smile again.

Don't worry, you're not safe at all,
Because once I will disappear,
You will rot and vanish,
For the only proof of your existance
Has passed away,
With a smile on his face.
 

My name's Ayame Kiyoshi.

I'm from Romania, and I'm 15.

I have many hobbies, that include sleeping, eating, anime, J-Rock, writing..

If you want to know anything about me.. feel free.. to.. ask ? Yeah, feel free to ask.